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On the outside, you look like you've got it together. On the inside, you're still bracing for impact.
You've been carrying this heavy load for a while, but there are things that have happened to you that are so difficult to talk about. Maybe it wasn't one dramatic event. Maybe it was the way your emotions were dismissed growing up, or the way love in your family always came with strings attached. Maybe it was a parent who was physically there but emotionally nowhere to be found, or a relationship that slowly convinced you that something was fundamentally wrong with you.
Whatever it looked like, you've carried it. And you've been carrying it for a long time.
You've worked hard to build a good life, but there's this undercurrent that never quite goes away. You find yourself pulling back from people just when things start to feel close. You over-explain, over-apologize, or go numb when conflict arises. You've wondered why trust feels so impossible, or why you can logically know you're loved and still not feel it.
You're not broken. You're not "too much."
You feel like your past keeps getting in your way and you're tired of feeling:
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Like you can never fully trust anyone, even people who have given you no reason to doubt them
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Braced for abandonment or rejection, even in relationships that feel safe
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Like you're constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop
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Disconnected from your emotions, or overwhelmed by them with no middle ground
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Ashamed of things that were never your fault
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Like your past keeps playing out in your present relationships, no matter how hard you try to change the pattern
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Exhausted from performing "okay" when you're not
If you're looking for a relational trauma therapist in San Jose, CA and San Juan, PR you're in the right place.
In relational therapy, we move at your pace. There's no pressure to go straight to the hardest things or share more than you're ready to. We'll begin by building safety, within the therapeutic relationship and within yourself, because for people with relational trauma, that foundation is everything.
Together, we'll start to make sense of the patterns that have been running your life without your permission. You'll learn why you react the way you do and understand that those responses made perfect sense given what you experienced. Then, we'll gently begin working through the root experiences that have been keeping you stuck.
You'll leave sessions with tools you can actually use, ways to stay grounded when you're triggered, ways to communicate your needs in your relationships, and a growing sense of trust in yourself.
However you've arrived here, we're so glad you're here.
YOU'RE IN THE RIGHT PLACE.
What are some examples of relational trauma?
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Emotional neglect or emotional unavailability from caregivers
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Childhood trauma and adverse childhood experiences (ACEs)
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Growing up with a parent struggling with addiction, mental illness, or chronic instability
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Physical, emotional, psychological, or sexual abuse
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Inconsistent or unpredictable attachment figures
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Abandonment both emotional or physical
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Enmeshment or parentification
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Betrayal of trust by someone close to you
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Bullying or social rejection
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Gaslighting or chronic invalidation
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Cultural, racial, or intergenerational trauma
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Religious trauma
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Complex family dynamics
TOGETHER IN RELATIONAL TRAUMA THERAPY WE'LL:
✓ Build safety and a therapeutic relationship you can actually trust
For people with relational trauma, the relationship with your therapist IS part of the healing. We'll take the time to build a genuinely safe, consistent space before we do anything else because trust has to be earned, and we take that seriously.
✓ Develop skills that support you every single day
TYou'll build a real toolkit: grounding techniques, communication skills, ways of setting limits, and new ways of relating to yourself and others that you can use long after you leave the therapy room.
✓ Understand how relational trauma lives in your body and your patterns
You'll learn why you respond the way you do in relationships, and why it makes complete sense given your history. Understanding your nervous system and your attachment patterns is one of the most empowering first steps toward lasting change.
✓ Process the experiences that have been holding you back
Using evidence-based modalities like IFS, EMDR, and Brainspotting, we'll gently work through the memories, beliefs, and wounds at the root of your patterns so the past loses its grip on the present.
✓ Rebuild your sense of self
Relational trauma often chips away at who you are. We'll help you reconnect with your values, your voice, and your sense of self so you can show up more fully in your relationships and in your life.
WHAT IS RELATIONAL TRAUMA?
Understanding relational trauma
When most people hear the word "trauma," they picture a single, catastrophic event. But relational trauma, sometimes called attachment trauma or complex trauma, works differently. It develops over time, in the context of relationships that were supposed to be safe.
Relational trauma happens when the people closest to you, parents, caregivers, partners, family members, were consistently emotionally unavailable, unpredictable, critical, controlling, or harmful. It's the accumulation of small moments where your needs weren't met, your feelings weren't validated, or your sense of self was shaped by someone else's dysfunction.
Because it happens in relationship, it shows up most clearly in relationships. You might find yourself repeating painful patterns, struggling with closeness, or feeling at home in chaos and uncomfortable in calm. This isn't a character flaw, it's your nervous system doing exactly what it learned to do to keep you safe.
The good news: what was learned can be unlearned. And healing happens in relationship too.
What are signs you might be carrying unprocessed relational or complex trauma?
SOME COMMON SIGNS OF RELATIONAL TRAUMA ARE:
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You struggle to trust people, even when they've given you no reason not to
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Closeness and intimacy feel uncomfortable or threatening
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You tend to attract or stay in relationships that feel familiar but painful
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You apologize constantly, or find it nearly impossible to ask for what you need
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Conflict sends you into shutdown, panic, or rage
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You feel like you have to earn your place in relationships
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You dissociate, go numb, or "check out" during emotionally charged moments
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You have a persistent inner critic who sounds a lot like someone from your past
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You feel "too much" and "not enough" at the same time
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You know, logically, that you are loved, but you don't feel it
What complex trauma therapy approaches do you use?
We don't believe in a one-size-fits-all approach. We'll meet you where you are and use the modality that fits you best.
ACT isn't about fixing what's "wrong" with you, it's about learning to stop fighting your inner experience so you can actually start living again. Instead of trying to eliminate painful thoughts or feelings, ACT helps you create some distance from them, make room for them without being ruled by them, and get clear on your core values so you can live a align with what matters most to you. It's especially helpful when trauma has left you feeling stuck, avoidant, or like life has lost its meaning.
IFS is based on the idea that we all have different "parts" of ourselves, including the parts that protect us, the parts that carry our pain, and the deeper, wiser Self underneath it all. Trauma often causes our protective parts to go into overdrive (hello, perfectionism, people-pleasing, and numbness). IFS helps you get curious about those parts instead of fighting them, so you can access real healing from the inside out. It's gentle, non-pathologizing, and deeply transformative.
Brainspotting works on the premise that trauma is stored in the body, not just the mind. By identifying specific eye positions that correspond to where trauma is held in your nervous system, Brainspotting allows you to access and process difficult experiences at a deeper level than talk therapy alone can reach. It's a powerful option if you've felt like you know what happened but can't seem to get past it, or if words just don't feel like enough.
EMDR is one of the most well-researched trauma treatments available. It uses bilateral stimulation (like guided eye movements or tapping) to help your brain reprocess traumatic memories so they lose their emotional charge. You won't be asked to talk through every detail — instead, EMDR works the way the brain naturally processes experiences during sleep. Many clients find that memories that once felt overwhelming start to feel more like distant, neutral history. It can lead to significant shifts in a relatively short amount of time.
Start to heal youself from the inside out
Relational trauma changes how we walk through the world. What once seemed safe, now causes you to be more guarded. Together we'll help you tap into your inner resources and find some relief and healing.
We know that reaching out can feel like a big step especially when the wounds you're carrying came from relationships in the first place. Learning to trust a therapist when trust is the very thing that was broken takes courage. We don't take that lightly.
Our approach to relational trauma therapy is warm, consistent, and completely tailored to you. We'll go at your pace, honor your story, and work alongside you, not ahead of you. You will never be pushed to go somewhere you're not ready to go.
What you experienced was real. The impact it's had on your life is real. And so is your capacity to heal from it.
We offer relational and childhood trauma therapy in San Jose, the greater SF Bay Area, and Puerto Rico.
