Coping With Grief During the Holidays: 5 Tips from a Grief Therapist During a Hard Season

I have had many clients who find the holiday season extra heavy since many times this time of the year is portrayed as a time of family, joy, and celebrations. But for many who are grieving, the holidays can feel less like a season of comfort and more like a season of loss and the reminder of the things that you're missing in your life.

I see many clients who are navigating loss, loneliness, or heartbreak, and they feel out of step with the messaging we're all receiving from social media and the world around us. And the truth is, coping with grief during the holidays can feel incredibly overwhelming and hard. 

Grieving during the holidays

For some of my clients, the holidays come with the weight of absence of your loved ones who are no longer here. For others, this season amplifies painful relationships, complicated childhoods, or ongoing emotional wounds. And for many, grief is layered, confusing, and deeply personal. There is no “right” way to experience or express it.

I hear from many of my clients that they even feel like they can't express their grief during the holidays since they don't want to be the downer of the party or like they're the only one who don't "love this time of year."

In this post, we’ll talk about why the holidays can intensify grief, how grief can show up in many forms, not just through the loss of a person, and five supportive ways to care for yourself through this tender time. We’ll also explore the Three C’s of holiday grief, a helpful framework for making sense of what you’re feeling, and how grief therapy can support you through this season and into the new year.

Why Does Grief Feel Different During the Holidays?

Even at the best of times, grief is not linear. Many of us have heard of the five stages of grief, like little checkboxes you can mark off as you move through your grieving process...but the reality is that's not how it works. Grief ebbs and flows like the ocean and much like the ocean there will always be waves even if some times has passed. It's normal with grief that some days are manageable, while other are unexpectedly heavy. But the holiday season layers additional complexity onto the grief experience—emotionally, socially, and physically.

The holidays tend to magnify whatever we’re already feeling. If you are grieving, you may notice:

1. Stronger memories and reminders.  The holiday seasons and traditions can stir up vivid memories of things from your past that may or may not have happened. The absence of a loved one of can make celebrating the holidays feel heavier. Many of my clients grieve the childhood they didn't have and there's a on-going sadness about their childhood trauma.

2. Emotional pressure to be “happy”. The cultural script of the holidays insists on joy and gratitude. You've seen so many social media posts saying that "it's the best of the year" and this message may intensify your shame, isolation, or loneliness. You may worry that you’re letting others down or somehow “ruining the holiday.” Many people feel pressure to act happy during the holidays, which can make it difficult to express grief, loss, or sadness.

3. Changes in routine Schools close, work slows down, and life becomes less structured. That unoccupied space may create room for emotions to rise. Slowing down can be both healing and incredibly difficult.

4. Family dynamics Family gatherings may be reminders of challenging family dynamics or pressure to fall back into the role you've played in your family when you were younger. This can re-activate old wounds and complex relationships. You may grieve not just what has been lost, but what was never safe or supportive to begin with.

5. A sense of emotional comparison We all know that social media can be triggering and cause of to play the comparison game. During the holidays it can feel like a barrage of perfectly decorated homes, family posting their professionally posed photos, and large family dinners where people are laughing. These constant reminders can feel like the world is joyful while you are stuck in sadness and sorrow. Comparison intensifies pain.

6. Feeling overwhelmed by holiday events and family gatherings It is common to feel overwhelmed by holiday events and family gatherings. Setting realistic expectations for yourself and choosing which events to attend can help you cope with the emotional challenges of the season.

None of these responses mean something is wrong with you. They mean you’re human in a season that is full of meaning.

It is important and psychologically healthy to allow yourself to feel joy, sadness, and anger during the holidays. Allowing space for all of these emotions can help you cope with the ups and downs of grief.

Grief Isn’t Only About Losing Someone

Many people feel unsure whether their grief “counts” because it doesn’t fall into the typical narrative of death or bereavement. They hesitate to name their pain, believing it should be smaller, quieter, or less important. Experiencing grief can come from many sources, not just loss through death, and it is normal to feel a range of emotions during difficult times.

But grief is much more expansive than most of us realize.

Grief may arise from:

• the death of someone you loved

• the loss of a relationship or friendship

• a divorce, breakup, move, job change, or major transition

• losing a sense of identity, health, or safety

• the life path you imagined but didn’t get to live

• childhood trauma or unmet emotional needs

• family estrangement

• a version of yourself that never got to exist

Sometimes the pain during the holidays is not connected to who is gone, but can be a reminder of what never was.

Many people grieve the childhood they needed and didn’t receive. They grieve parents who weren’t emotionally available or weren't able to show up for them in the way they needed. Many of my clients grieve the safety, attunement, and connection they should have had and still long for. They grieve the family culture they never experience, and the holidays are a reminder of the warm traditions, the gentle rituals, the laughter that felt easy and free.

If the holidays make you feel sad, angry, detached, or anxious without a clear reason, it may be that your grief is tied to absence, not loss.

This kind of grief can be especially confusing because it doesn’t have a clear beginning or endpoint. There’s no funeral or card or casserole dish. Instead, it shows up as longing, frustration, or emotional ache from knowing that something is missing.

Whatever form your grief takes, it deserves attention, compassion, and space. The grieving process is unique for everyone, and there is no right or wrong way to experience grief during the holidays.

What Are the Three C’s of Holiday Grief?

A helpful framework for coping with grief during the holidays is the concept of the Three C’s: Choose, Connect, and Communicate. These principles can provide structure, clarity, and comfort when emotions feel overwhelming.

Choose: Decide which holiday traditions or events you want to participate in, and which ones you may want to skip this year. It’s okay to prioritize your own needs and set boundaries. Plan ahead to fill any roles or responsibilities that your loved one used to handle during the holidays, so you’re not caught off guard.

1. Choose

Give yourself permission to choose what’s best for you this holiday season. Instead of doing things out of habit, obligation, or expectation, try asking yourself: What feels like compassion towards myself? What feels draining? What feels possible?

You might decide:

• to attend fewer gatherings

• to begin a new tradition

• to skip certain events

• to rest

• to simplify gift giving

• to decide which traditions or events to keep, change, or let go of

Choice brings agency back into an experience that can feel powerless.

It can also help to plan ahead to fill roles or responsibilities that a deceased loved one used to handle during the holidays.

2. Connect

Grief can be feel incredibly isolating, especially during a season that highlights family gatherings and togetherness. The second C invites you to stay connected, to yourself and to others. Connection might look like:

• reaching out to a friend

• reaching out to friends for support, whether for emotional assistance, practical help, or simply companionship

• sharing memories

• joining a support group

• writing your thoughts in a journal

• finding a mental health professional who can support you

Involving family members in discussions about which holiday activities or traditions to include or exclude can help everyone adapt and create new, meaningful traditions together.

Connection reduces loneliness, even if nothing about your situation changes.

3. Communicate

The third C encourages open communication with yourself and with others. Speak up about what you need, what you don’t want, and what feels hard. It may feel vulnerable, but communication builds support and prevents misunderstandings.

You can simply say:“I’m having a difficult time.”“I might need extra space.”“I’m not sure how I’ll feel.”

These three C’s aren’t rules—they’re invitations to move through this season with greater care and intention.

Coping With Grief During the Holidays: 5 Ways to Care for Yourself

While there’s no universal roadmap for grief, developing coping skills and using practical tips can help you manage grief and cope with the emotional challenges of missing a deceased loved one during the holidays.

Here are five compassionate approaches to navigate grief during the holiday season

1. Let Yourself Feel What You Feel

You don’t need to force joy, push away sadness, or pretend everything is okay. Grief is not something to overcome or outperform, it’s something to move through, moment by moment. Allowing yourself to feel without judgment is one of the most powerful forms of self-care and self compassion. It’s important to let yourself experience the full range of emotions, including anger, sadness, and even moments when you feel like you should feel happy or joy. Allowing these feelings is a vital part of the healing process.

2. Set Boundaries That Protect Your Peace

It’s okay to say no. You don’t have to attend holiday events that don’t feel supportive, and you don’t need to explain yourself. Setting boundaries around which holiday events you choose to attend, and considering limiting or avoiding alcohol, can help you cope with grief-related emotions. Boundaries are a form of love—for yourself and for others.

3. Create or Redesign Meaningful Rituals

Traditions can be comforting, but they can also hurt. You are allowed to reshape them and choose what works for you. Honoring old traditions can help keep the memory of your deceased loved present during the holidays, allowing their presence to be felt even in their absence. At the same time, creating new rituals or new traditions, such as lighting a candle, playing their favorite music, or making a special ornament, can help you adapt holiday traditions to your current situation and keep their memory alive. Discussing with your family which activities or traditions to include or exclude can help everyone find meaningful ways to honor your deceased loved and be present with your feelings during the holidays.

4. Stay Connected to Your Body

Grief shows up physically. Using coping skills to manage grief during the holidays can include staying active, eating healthy, spending time in nature, getting enough rest, and engaging in light exercise. Sometimes grief can feel so heavy that we forget to take care of our basic needs for our body. Sleep, water, nutritious food, movement, and moments of stillness help your nervous system regulate. When emotions feel overwhelming, grounding through the body can create safety.

5. Reach Out for Support

Grief can feel lonely, but you don’t have to carry it alone. Reaching out to friends for emotional support, companionship, or even practical help can make a significant difference. Consider asking friends how they can best support you, and use practical tips such as sharing your feelings, accepting offers of help, or making plans together to ease the burden. Connecting with a grief therapist, a support group, or someone you trust can offer understanding and relief.

How Grief Therapy Can Help You Through the Holidays and Beyond

Many people enter grief therapy believing the goal is to “get over it.” In reality, grief therapy supports you in understanding your experience, honoring your loss, and carrying it with more ease.

Grief therapy offers:

• a safe place to talk about your feelings

• tools for coping with emotional triggers

• space to honor memories

• support for anxiety, depression, or trauma

• clarity around complicated or conflicting emotions

• connection during a time of isolation

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Whether you’re grieving someone who died, grieving relationships that were emotionally painful, or grieving the life you imagined but never had, therapy can help you feel less alone.

Grief therapy isn’t about erasing pain. It’s about expanding your capacity to live beside it—with compassion, gentleness, and strength.

You’re Allowed To Take This Season One Breath at a Time

Coping with grief during the holidays is not about forcing yourself into joy or chasing perfection. It’s about care. It’s about honesty. It’s about giving yourself permission to feel how you feel and to do what you need.

You’re allowed to rest.You’re allowed to change your mind.You’re allowed to cry.You’re allowed to laugh.You’re allowed to opt out.You’re allowed to begin again.

More than anything, you’re allowed to be human.

Reach out to a grief therapist in San Jose, CA or San Juan, PR to get support

If this season feels heavy, you don’t have to carry that weight alone. Support is available. Healing is possible. And you deserve care—not because you are broken, but because you are worthy.

If you are ready to work through your grief with a trauma-informed therapist please set up a free consultation today. Together we can support you in your loss and help you process your grief to find healing.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR:  Ednie Caraballo, ASW is a provisionally licensed clinical social worker in California and a licensed clinical social worker in Puerto Rico. She specializes in parenting, grief and self esteem issues.

***The ideas, concepts, and opinions expressed in all Living Openhearted posts are intended to be used for educational purposes only. The author and publisher are not rendering medical or mental health advice of any kind, nor are intended to replace medical advice, nor to diagnose, prescribe, or treat any disease, condition, illness, or injury. Authors and publishers claim no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the material.

***If you are experiencing a mental health emergency you can call the National Suicide and Crisis Line at 988 or go to the nearest emergency room.